Driving Like Squirrels

The other day, as we were out and about doing a multitude of dump kids at one practice and run to the next one, Jan made an observation about roadkill ~ specifically squirrels. I think we must have seen at least three squirrels squashed in the road. It was not a pretty sight. Jan felt pity for the little critters. I told him it’s spring and squirrels go a little crazy in the spring. It’s the height of mating season and they are running around like a squirrel on speed. They are crazy squirrels.

On all of my daily journeys lately I have noticed it is not only squirrels who are taking crazy risks and acting like maniacs, people are too. There must be some crazy pheromone in the air causing not only squirrels to act like idiots but people too.

Squirrels amuse me. They dart forward, backward and side to side. Their little tails flick around as they fly around the ground and then up a tree, across a branch and back down another tree. Squirrels seem to flit everywhere, including when they are trying to cross the street. They start to cross the street only to feel the rumble of a car coming around the corner and they stop dead in their tracks. They start to flit back to the side of the road, change their minds and turn around to flit the other way. The tail twitches and the direction is changed again. ~ no wonder they are road kill, poor decision making skills. A squirrel who is trying to cross the street seems to have little regard for the danger lurking, unfortunately, because they are cute little buggers who amuse me to no end.

People driving like squirrels does not amuse me. Being around people who drive like squirrels sets my teeth on edge and makes my nerves raw. I think I might need new brakes after yesterday (and maybe some type of anti-anxiety meds). In two different instances yesterday the car in front of me slammed on their brakes causing me to do the same. Reactions were swift, brakes applied, tissue boxes flew and foul language shot out of my mouth. It was not a good scene, but luckily the TRVLN ZU and I escaped unscathed. Not five minutes later, I was driving 55 (the speed limit) on a four lane “highway” when a car pulls out right in front of me, again causing me to slam on the brakes. The woman behind the wheel of the car was on her cell phone, chatting away and not paying a bit of attention to the flow of traffic or what was going on around her. She had no idea of the danger lurking. Dumb squirrel!

Drivers are so bad right now I am dreaming about them. Last night I had a dream I was driving and the person in front of me slammed on their brakes, hard. I quickly glanced into my rearview mirror, saw a tiny opening in traffic to my left and “shot the hole” narrowly missing hitting the car who slammed on their brakes. My blood was pumping, adrenaline was flowing through my veins in my sleep and I woke up with a jolt. Dreams like these aren’t good for a restful sleep. I felt like Mario Andretti. I am using these bad drivers as teaching points for the kids…minus my foul language, of course. Point one, be attentive to your surroundings. Point two, no texting and driving. Point three, drive defensively, not aggressively. Point four, don’t drive like a squirrel.

I wish people would stop driving like squirrels for the love of everyone…

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