Looking Back

Have you ever had a dream so vivid and colorful it seemed to transport you there and you were living it? “Alice in Wonderland” comes to mind but my dream was without the added benefit of hallucinogenics. Last night I had the most wonderful dream. I was transported back in time to when the kids were little, cuddly and sweet-smelling. It was short and vivid but it was sweet. It was only a dream.

In my dream Claire offered me her sweet, little hand to hold. My dream showed Claire when she was a darling little two year old with her sweet two year old hands. I miss the days of little hands. Two year old hands are the best. They are plump and curious. They are constantly working to learn a new task. They are always covered with some type of a mess from the tasks they trying to learn. Two year old hands make me smile. In my dream Claire’s hands were soft and warm. The were dimply and chubby. Her little face looked up and me and she offered me her little hand to hold. The dream felt so real ~ Claire’s little hand in mine.

My dream put me in a nostalgic mood today. I have been reliving the toddler days in my head. I love reliving the days when my kids were toddlers because I can edit out all of the temper tantrums, the messes and all of the hard work having toddlers brings. In my head I can savor the sweet smell of one of my little ones just out of the tub after their nightly bath. In my head I can feel their warm little bodies drifting off to sleep as they are rocked and read to before bed. In my head I can revisit them in their beds as sleep like little angels. I love looking back sometimes, it fortifies me for the present.

For me, looking back at all of the sweet times makes the tough times of the present a little easier to handle. I looked at my kiddos this morning and I saw the sweet babies, who turned into toddlers, who then grew into preschoolers. I needed to see it this morning because Zach came home asking to go for a practice drive in “his car.” His time of independence is quickly approaching. I need to sit back and see the sweet baby who became this incredible young man. I need to savor this time so when he spreads his wings to leave I will have these sweet moments to relive in my head.

Ah, for the love of my children…

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