OK, so yesterday I posted some rules for men. Today, I’m going to throw a few out there for the ladies. Keep in mind, I am not a therapist nor do I have formal training in therapy of any kind. These are just my observations and my life experiences living with Stan for 18 years or so. Like I said yesterday, the game of love that started while we were dating continues on and on through life…at least it has for me.
For Women ~ Mostly
1. Be a little less avaialable. Back off just a little ~ you could also think of it as “stop smothering.” Guys, even our married guys, like the thrill of the chase. Stan is much more receptive to me if I’m not all up in his face. He will actually seek me out. It’s a refreshing feeling to know I don’t have to work so hard to chase Stan down…it’s nice to let HIM have a little fun on the hunt, on the prowl ~ for me.
2. Be active. Find some activities that interest you and keep you occupied in a good way. This goes back to the above rule. If you have some of your own activities you won’t be all up in your guy’s grill.
3. Be quiet. If you volunteer to watch a game with your guy watch it…quietly. Don’t bitch, don’t whine, don’t complain, don’t talk too much. I fail at the last one sometimes. A thought or question pops into my head every now and again and it shoots out of my mouth before I know it. I think Stan’s OK when I ask questions about football rules (I really don’t understand football. Hockey ~ I got it!) but something trivial I TRY hard to keep to myself.
4. Be yourself. I think the absolute worst advice any woman (or man for that matter) can get is to change who they are for someone else (I hate Cosmo’s advice to women on what they need to change to get a guy…REALLY, if you have to change who are, it’s NOT you!). Trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of you is exhausting. I know, I’ve done it ~ many times. I even tried it with Stan for a while when I figured out that there are occasions where I’m not exactly everything he expects. There are times I can be a bit crass and totally irreverent. There were times in our early years when Stan wasn’t too fond of my behavior. I remember one particular Easter dinner when I made a slightly off color comment regarding my mom cutting the rear end off the bunny cake she made ~ “Oh, look Mom’s getting a little tail,” is all I said. Stan huffed a loud huff and said “Jennifer! (the ONLY time he has ever called me Jennifer) It’s Easter! For God’s sake can we give it a rest for a DAY, please?!?” In the end, both of us realized it wasn’t worth the effort to change the other. So we accept each others quirks, for the most part. It works out much better that way.
5. Be self confident. It’s totally sexy ~ for both genders ~ to have self confidence. But women tend to lack it a little too much some times and men seem to have an over abundance when they should tone it down a notch or two. When women are self confident we all strut our stuff with amazing grace. Being self confident doesn’t mean being perfect…in fact it’s just the opposite. Being perfect is too much pressure and self confidence can fly right out the door. Being self confident is being happy in your own skin. It’s a tough battle for women but it’s worth it and it’s totally, one percent cool!
6. Be respectful. I will say it again…Aretha Franklin had it right “R-E-S-P-E-C-T!” Respect yourself and your love, always.
7. Be kind. Sometimes we treat strangers much better than we treat the ones we love. Remember to say please and thank you, always. It goes a LONG way!
I think that’s about it for now. If you have any “rules” I may have missed comment and let me know!!
Like I said above, these are my own version of rules. But they seem to have worked well in our house so far. I think we are setting a good example for both genders in our house by following these “rules.” I want my kids to have a kind of marriage that goes on and on so I hope we can keep setting a good example for the love of our children…