I’m Not Normally Like This

I’m not normally a nervous, fretful mama.  I’m always a pansy mama, as was evidenced in yesterday’s blog post, but I’m not normally worried and nervous when it comes to my kiddos and their activities.  But today, I’m feeling all out of wonk when I think about them.

Claire, as you know, is in North Carolina at a swim meet.  She’s with her team and her chaperones, who happen to be three of my all time favorite mamas and one of them is the one Claire calls “my second mom.”  I should be feeling fine about her, but after yesterday’s trip into a storm I’m still out of sorts.

Lucas’ last day as an eighth grader is today.  And in true “I’m growing up form” he asked if he could walk to a pizza joint near their school with a group of his friends.  Zach asked the exact same question three years ago when he finished eighth grade.  I said yes to him so I really couldn’t say no to Lucas when he asked the same thing.  The problem with Lucas walking there and Zach walking there is that Zach and Lucas went to different middle schools.  Walking from Zach’s middle school to the pizza parlor didn’t require crossing a major four lane road with cars going 45 to 55 miles per  hour.  I’m a little on edge thinking about Lucas crossing that street to get to his destination.  The school secretary told me yesterday she would make sure the school police officer would be at the street corner where they are crossing, but something is still not feeling quite right about letting Lucas walk.

And then there’s Zach.  He wants to go shooting today with a group of his friends.  Now, I love and trust these boys, but something about shooting guns makes me nervous.  Huh, go figure.  Guns and boys.  Stan told me he is going to take a trip out to where the boys are and make sure they are practicing good gun safety.  I know Stan went hunting as a kid.  I know Stan knows gun safety, but I don’t know that Zach knows as much about gun safety as I’d like him to know.  I do know he is conscientious and he pays attention to what’s going on around him, but I have to say I breathed a huge sigh of relief when Stan said he was going to take a ride out there and check on them.

I really don’t like being like this.  I don’t mind being thought of as a pansy mama, the one who doesn’t like watching milestones pass so quickly.  But I don’t want to be the nervous “helicopter” mama, the one who doesn’t give their kids any room to spread their wings a little.  While I don’t like time with my kids passing so quickly, I do know that they will grow up and lead lives of their own.  So I want them to experience a little freedom with me on the periphery  if needed, but I don’t want to hover.  I just wish the feelings of worry would recede a little so I can go back to bemoaning the fact that they are growing too quickly.

Oh, for the love of my children….

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