I’ve been writing this blog since 2011. 11 years of telling stories, and keeping our family’s memories alive through written word. In the intervening years, I’ve grown an audience and I’ve shared my heart.
Right now, my heart hurts. It’s a hurt I’ve never felt before in all the years of raising my kiddos. Years ago, I wrote a blog called I wish I Had a Magic Bandaid. And I wish I had one for myself. I also wish I had more time.
More time to impart vital life lessons.
I wish I had time to teach them that it’s always best to start hard conversations with “I was thinking…” rather than start it with an edict or a decree. When you start hard conversations with “There will be no…” defenses go up and communication is harder than it needs to be.
I wish I had more time to teach them the importance of inclusion over exclusion. Billie Jean King said it best on Superbowl Sunday. “You can not understand inclusion until you’ve been excluded.”
I wish I had more time to show them how important family is. Over our fireplace is a wooden sign with “Family Rules” written down for all to see. The most important one that I wish I had more time to teach is “Think of others before yourself.”
I wish I had more time to teach them that actions speak louder than words.
I wish I had more time for them to learn that compromise is the heart of every family, large or small. But within the word compromise is an even more important word. The word promise. And to me that word is fundamental to families. A promise to work together. A promise to hold each other’s hearts near and true. A promise to not willfully and deliberately hurt one another.
In the end, I know I don’t have more time. I know I have to trust that I did the absolute best I could to parent them and bring them up to be loving members of our family. In the end I have to believe that the love I poured into raising them will be felt and the wisdom Stan and I have tried to impart will eventually become so imbedded in their psyche that I don’t need to wish anymore. I just need to trust them to know what’s right and good and loving for the entirety of the most important thing in this world to me. Our family.
For the love of my children. Always.