Naked Mannies and Smelly People

Let me preface this by saying, I completely and totally dislike shopping…especially at the mall.  I would prefer to peruse my purchases online.  I like buying.  I really don’t like shopping.  So when the kids come to me and say “I need new….fill in the blank” dread shoots through my body like lightning through the sky.

Which leads me to my story….

Lucas came to me yesterday and said “I need new cleats for lacrosse and I also need new shoes.”  UGH, really??  Do these creatures not understand my dislike of the mall??  But I knew it was a necessity so ~ to the mall and Dick’s we go.

Lucas.  Shopping with him is, well, ummmmm…interesting.  He goes in knowing exactly what he thinks he wants.  He gets an idea in his head and he searches high and low for the image in his head.  It makes for some interesting and exasperating shopping excursions.  I have learned, through the years, to take Lucas shopping when it’s only the two of us.  I understand him.  I can handle him.  I’ve learned to multi-task and entertain myself while Lucas searches the racks for whatever it is he has in mind.  Yesterday’s shopping excursion was no exception…

The lacrosse cleats were found quickly and painlessly, easily checking that off the list because, let’s face ~ cleats are pretty much cleats…not a whole lot of variety there.  The shoes were another story.  He wanted high tops, not tennis shoes, or skate boarding shoes…high tops.  Colorful ones.  Expensive ones.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my Lucas and all, but the kid’s feet are growing by leaps and bounds…expensive shoes don’t go well with growing feet!  So maybe some of this shopping experience was my fault because I imposed a spending cap on Lucas, or he would have been easily satisfied with the $120 pair at Dick’s.  But this mama wasn’t playing…$120 is outta my price range.  So we went onward looking for exactly what Lucas had in mind.

As we were walking the full length of the mall to get to the another shoe store, we came across Abercrombie and Fitch ~ in all of its smelly, loud, thumping music glory.  They must have been in the process of a window change because all of the mannequins were unclothed, prompting me to teasingly tell Lucas to avert his eyes from the naked mannies.  I think Lucas almost stopped dead in his tracks when he saw the male mannequins undressed…he said “OK, that’s just awkward!”  There was nothing anatomically correct on them, they just had pouches down in the nether regions, if you know what I mean, but Lucas was clearly uncomfortable ~ his cheeks turned red to prove it.

Anyway…we went about our business…shopping and still not finding what he was looking for.  The mall was abandoned for DSW…surely we would find something in shoe Mecca.  But we had to cross back through the mall to get back to Dick’s and our car.  Eyes averted once more from the naked mannies in A&F, we made it safely to Dick’s.  We were almost out the door when the greeter calls to us “Hey!  Have a good one.”
I turn my head away from Lucas, and give her my response.
Lucas whips in my direction and he asks “What did you say?”
I told him I said “You smell too.”
I thought Lucas was going to wet himself laughing.  “Did you really say that, Mom???”  Nope, Lucas.  I didn’t.  I said “Thanks, you too.”  We laughed all the way to DSW about my silly, little play on words, where we didn’t find a darn thing…shoe mecca let me down.

As we were climbing back in the car, Lucas says…”Mom, I think I’ll go ahead and get those shoes at Dick’s.”  UGH….really???  How ’bout if I go pick them up tomorrow, I ask, hopefully.  No, he says he would really like to get them now ~ before they’re gone.  You have to understand, Lucas really doesn’t ask for a lot or often.  And out of our three kiddos, he is the one who is content to be by himself so when he wants to spend time with me, I leap at the opportunity to keep him all to myself for just a little longer so back to Dick’s we go.

Our shopping excursion was now complete and successful.  I might not enjoy shopping but I surely enjoyed my evening with Lucas.  As we were leaving Dick’s for the second time, the greeter calls out to us “Thanks and have a nice night.”  I glance at Lucas, with a twinkle in my eye, and say “Thanks, you too,” but as we cleared the doors I whispered to him “you smell too,” for the love of Lucas….

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