Yesterday I went to visit my orthodontist.  I am having crazy trouble with these new wires he put in my mouth.  The insides of my cheeks are red, raw and extremely irritated.  My tongue is tingly and numb.  My lips are swollen but dry and stuck to my brackets.  Eating is a painful ordeal and I needed some type of relief.  My ortho was asking to me to list my symptoms and one that I didn’t mention above was that my tongue is not only tingly and numb, but for a while it was also white.

Now, before I go any further with this story, I need you to understand my relationship with my orthodontist and his whole office.  I have been in his office at least monthly, and there have been times I’ve been there three times in a month, for the past four years.  Lucas started there when he was in third grade.  I started shortly after Lucas and Zach joined the fun at the orthodontist not long after I did.  So, I’ve been there a lot.  I’ve developed friendships with the ladies who work on all of our mouths.  And the good doctor keeps us all entertained with his amazing memory, quick wit and wonderful sense of humor.  He is one fabulous, fabulous guy and he amuses me to no end.

Now, on with my story….

As I was telling him about my tongue and it being white he said, with a twinkle in his eye and laughter in his voice “So, are you still doing crack?”  Just as the words cleared his mouth I whipped up the sleeve of my jacket and said “Nope, see!”  And then I saw the puzzlement cross his face and I knew I screwed up.  He responded, dryly “Last I knew, crack is smoked.”

I have NO clue about drugs, which ones are smoked or snorted or shot up or much about anything having to do with drugs.  I have never experimented with any type of drug…no marijuana, no nothing.  And I have to hope my kids never get involved drugs because I will be screwed.  I will be in some serious trouble, not really knowing what to look for or how to spot trouble if it comes knocking.

Dr. White’s little joke about drugs brought stirred up some big fears in me.  I either need to get educated or continue on with my hope that they will never get involved in drugs.  Unfortunately, I think I need to get educated.

Oh, for the love of my children….

(And as far as my mouth goes, my ortho thinks I may be allergic to the nickel in the new wires he put in on my last visit.  I now have three small pieces of wire taped to my inner forearm, looking for some kind of reaction.)