Things I Don’t Need

Today, Stan announced that he bought an emergency first aid kit.  OK, I thought to myself…I’ve bought a number of these over the years ~ not sure how exactly this one’s gonna be any different.  But he went on to explain to me, exactly how this one is different.

This one, Stan tells Zach, with pride tinging every word, has bandages (check ~ we’ve got those), emergency ponchos (those too), an emergency blanket (yep), a magnesium fire starter (OK, you’ve got me there) AND, Stan adds, with relish, four Snickers Bars (he’s got me there too!).  I can’t, for the life of me figure out why, on God’s green earth, I would ever need those last two items.  Stan says they are there if we ever get stranded anywhere.  To that, I answer…I’ll never need to worry about being stranded somewhere because I’m not one to go looking to get lost.  The most lost I think I would ever get would be from one hotel to another.  The wilderness and I do not go hand in hand.

For those of you who don’t know me well, you have to understand that I grew up camping.  I started camping life in a pop up trailer, which morphed into a tow behind trailer and then when we moved from Colorado to Virginia my parents bought a motor-home.  We traveled up and down the East Coast in the beast.  We moved my brother to college in Colorado in our home on wheels.  We outran tornados in Kansas while “safely” ensconced in our mobile home.  We camped all over Colorado after we left Virginia and moved to Kansas.  And every time we camped my dad would hook up our tiny, black and white television and declare to all of us that “this is roughing it.”  By the time I was in high school my parents finally put all pretenses of being the outdoorsy types to rest and bought a condo in the mountains of Colorado, thus ending any “love affair” I had with camping.  I say “love affair” because, really and truly, I’m not a nature girl.  Spiders scare the shit out of me.  I love my showers and private bathroom facilities.  I like having a hairdryer and curling iron at my disposal and I hate being dirty (I like being sweaty from a good workout ~ but dirty…NO!)  So, while I grew up camping in the great outdoors, it is not a place I relish going back to…get me a condo on the beach or in the mountains but to just say “Let’s go camping.  I have the emergency pack,” it’s really and truly something I can live without experiencing.

To prove his point, that his emergency pack works, Stan and Zach went out to the backyard and started a fire in the fire pit…just because they could.  Zach was duly impressed ~ the magnesium fire starter worked its magic.

It was as we were leaving that Zach noticed the five gallon outdoor shower on the back of Stan’s truck, it was full of water and warming in the sun.  As Zach passed it and ran his hand over it he said “OK, now I’m starting to get a little nervous.  Where the heck does Dad think he is taking us that we would need an outdoor shower?”  And I just had to think to myself “Nowhere that I would go.  He’s just bought a bunch of things I don’t need.”  Maybe the kids will want to use them with him but judging Zach’s reaction to seeing the shower thingy I have to say, he doesn’t seem too interested whatever adventure Stan has planned.  Maybe Lucas or Claire will be more adventurous and head off to the great outdoors to experience whatever nature has to offer.

So, Stan now has all sorts of new toys to play with but they are all things I don’t need…unless the world comes to an end ~ but even then, where will four Snickers Bars get us?  They’ll just get us into a world of hurt as we try to divvy up four bars between the five of us.  The rain ponchos may come in handy as well as the blanket but other than that I can’t see any of us, save Stan, using his new emergency kit in the foreseeable future.

Oh, for the love of my children…

One thought on “Things I Don’t Need

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