I Saw Myself

Have you ever imagined yourself superimposed onto someone else?  I have.  I did just yesterday.  It wasn’t a pretty sight.

As some of you may know, I can have a fairly quick temper, and I can also be a bit hot-headed.  I’ve mellowed a bit in my old age, but there are times where I’m quick to simmer and slow to cool down.  I used to be terrible.  Stan could tell you stories of the old me…the one whose Irish temper shone through and not in a good way.  Claire will tell you I am the scary one.  I’m the one with the temper.

Yesterday, though, I think I may have had an eye opening experience.  I was driving on Broad St., like I do nearly every day.  I was making my way to Trader Joe’s for a quick hit of my favorite grocery story. I knew my right turn into the shopping center was coming up after the next stop light so I passed through the light, turned on my blinker, checked my mirrors, looked over my shoulder and made sure the coast was clear.  I could get over safely.  I had plenty of room between me and the Infiniti SUV on my right rear.  I could see the Infinity symbol on the front of her car and, and I could see all of her front tires.  There was plenty of space for me to get over.  Evidently the woman driving the Infiniti didn’t think there was enough room or maybe she didn’t want a mini-van in front of her.  She must have had a reason she didn’t want me in front of her.  I’m not sure what it was, but her reason made her go completely crazy.  I saw her gesticulating wildly in my rear-view mirror.  Her hair was flying around her face as she screamed at me from the driver’s seat of her car.  She wasn’t close enough for me to see the color of her face but I can only imagine in was a mottled purple. I can further imagine spittle was flying out of her mouth as she raged and screamed at me.  I turned on my blinker and got into the far right lane to turn into the shopping center.  As I merged into the other lane Infinity lady came flying by me and she was still screaming.  She looked ugly and more than a bit delusional.  I don’t want to look like that.  It was eye opening to see what I imagine I could sometimes look like.  It was not at all what I want to show the world.  I don’t want to look like that.

So I’m not going to.  I’m done looking like that.  And I started today.  Today was my first tennis match of the season.  I admit I can get frustrated and a little bitchy when I’m losing.  Today I didn’t.  Today I remained upbeat and positive.  I may have still lost but I didn’t look like a sore loser or a complete bitch, nor did I look like I had whiney-loser syndrome Whiney-Loser Syndrome.  (To me, that look goes hand-in-hand with the angry, screaming driver.)  None of those looks are attractive.  I don’t want to look like any of those and I don’t want to teach my kids to take on any of those looks.  They’re all ugly.

Hopefully, from now on when I see myself in others I can say “Wow, she looks GREAT!” instead of seeing the most hideous side of myself.

Oh, for the love of my children…

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