Up a river

My sweet baby girl,

For the past year, I’ve been living on this lovely little piece of land, and it’s a gorgeous plot, right on a beautiful river. The castle I built was stunning. Flying buttresses were the home to happy gargoyles and fun fairies. Frolicking and reveling in this beautiful river was a total joy. But now my piece of property on the River Denial is a little sad. And right now, this minute, it’s a challenge to look at it.

I tried to deny for as long as I could that you were leaving, but I can’t do it anymore. This morning I woke up to your empty bedroom, with your bed made…you made it before you left, and my heart lurched a little. What a grown up thing to do. Your absence became even more real to me than it was yesterday when left you on the sidewalk at Tech. So many years ago, I wrote a blog about that last look back. I wish I had been brave enough to look back yesterday and give you that one last wave goodbye, but I wasn’t. I had to look forward. I needed to focus on one foot in front of the other and propelling myself back to the car. Self-preservation, I guess.

You look so fabulously happy!

I know you and I have had many conversations about the fabulous time you have ahead of you. Which did take me away from my beautiful river bank, but they were great conversations full of love, laughter and tears, and I’ll treasure those chats forever. I’ve told you countless times how proud I am of you, and that I can’t wait to see what life has in store for you! There is not one doubt in my mind that you are going to rock these next four years at college. You are beyond ready to tackle the challenges lying ahead of you. I believe in you and love you beyond the scope of words. I know you are going to soar so far above the clouds.

I know, too, that you will keep your brothers’ wise words of council close to your heart. Lucas gave you great advice laced with love. I wish I had recorded it. You were kind enough to send me Zach’s text to you which is full of love and pride. Your relationship with your brothers is one of the my most favorite things in this world.

With love, from Zach

So, my darling baby girl. I may be up a river, but I’m not without a paddle (as the proverbial saying goes). What is my paddle, you may ask? Well, it’s the fact that I know how strong our relationship is. I know it’s full of honesty and love. I know that if I’m hovering too much, you’ll tell me to back off. I know if you need me, you’ll ask. And you know I’ll be there whenever you need me. Knowing all of this, and believing it, is my paddle.

So your room may stand empty, for a little bit (well at least until Fall Break), but my heart is full. My riverbank is still a beautiful place. It’s just no longer on the River Denial because I got to add my shiny new paddle.

I love you with all my heart.

XO, forever

Mom

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